


Blue Christmas

by justdk



Series: Every day with you [12]
Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Christmas, Depression, Holidays, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Roman Catholicism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 18:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17167184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdk/pseuds/justdk
Summary: Eddie doesn't want to celebrate Christmas and Venom needs to know why





	Blue Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> It's still Christmas in San Francisco!
> 
> FYI: I use he/him pronouns for Venom

**Eddie** Venom pushes his face against Eddie’s chin, a gentle nudge that Eddie ignores. **Love, you need to get up and eat.**

Eddie twists over onto his side, pulling the covers up over his head. It’s early afternoon and he’s been in bed since they got in from the office party the night before. He remembers waking up that morning and Venom coaxing him to drink water and get up to use the bathroom.

“I don’t wanna,” Eddie mumbles even as his stomach growls in complaint.

**Eddie…**

There’s no escaping Venom or ignoring him. Not that Eddie wants to, necessarily, he just wants to wallow in his misery and not talk about it. That’s what he used to do when his depression was bad; he’d stay in bed as long as he could, too weighed down to get up.

 **It’s Christmas, Eddie** Venom reminds him, like it’s possible he’s forgotten after the wild Christmas Eve party they went to.

“I know.” Eddie curls up tighter, his heart aching.

 **We should do something nice. Christmas is a happy time, isn’t it?** Venom wraps around Eddie like another blanket, his weight comforting and soothing.

“It is…” Eddie tries to explain, “for most people.” His eyes prick with tears and he swallows around the lump in his throat. “Not for me, V.”

**You were happy last night.**

“I was _drunk_ last night,” Eddie corrects him. “We were with friends and it was a good time but that doesn’t fix _this_. It doesn’t fix _me_.”

For a moment he feels like a crazy person, hiding in bed, talking to an alien about why he doesn’t want to get up and celebrate a holiday he used to love.

 **Tell me** Venom says. **What needs to be fixed? I can fix it, Eddie.**

“You can’t—” Eddie chokes, the pain tearing across his chest. It’s a familiar, wrenching sensation, like his heart is trying to split in two. Since he and Venom bonded he hasn’t experienced it as much, thankfully, but now it feels worse than ever. He places his palm over his chest and fists the fabric of his shirt. “You can’t fix this, V.”

 **Eddie…** Venom’s voice is soft and careful, so gentle that it reminds Eddie… it reminds him of being a boy. Reminds him of his mom finding him after his father had made him feel worthless. His mom would talk to him just like this, would coax him out of his turmoil. She would make cookies and tell him that he was good and smart and that she knew he’d do great things one day. His mom was the best.

“You remember when Annie and Dan told us they were going out of town for the holidays?” Eddie asks. He focuses on the way Venom’s touching him – smooth tendrils twining around his legs, stroking down his arms – in order to keep it together.

 **Yes** Venom answers. **You were upset but pretended to be happy for them.**

“Right. They’re with their families right now. Annie’s taking Dan to meet her parents, then she’ll meet his.” Eddie sighs and watches Venom move over his hands, sliding between his fingers. “Not too long ago I met Anne’s family. I thought they would be my family one day and I got excited, V. Because I – I _don’t_ have a family anymore.”

 **You have me**. Venom sounds hurt and that’s the last thing Eddie wants, to make Venom feel bad.

“I know, babe.” Eddie lifts his hand and kisses the ever-present ring. “And I love you, Venom, more than anything. We’re our own…” Eddie trails off, looking for the right word. They’re a couple, they’re partners, they’re practically _married_ but does that make them a family?

 **I think I understand.** Venom rearranges himself, moving to form a body. He mirrors Eddie, stretched out on his side, smooth ropes connecting his chest to Eddie’s. **Humans, when they pair off, join their families. I have no family to offer.**

It’s painful to hear the emptiness in Venom’s tone. It makes Eddie want to shake off his sadness and reassure his partner that it’s okay. It _is_ okay; he’s just being moody. He’s just—

“I miss my mom,” Eddie whispers, leaning into Venom’s chest. “I miss her so damn much, V.” His voice catches and he can’t swallow down all the tears. A few tears fall and slide down Venom’s chest. Venom makes a soft noise and rubs Eddie’s back, his clawed hands scratching, reminding Eddie of when his mom would do the same thing, scratching his back when he was upset. That only makes him cry harder, until he’s sobbing wetly and clutching at Venom.

It’s too hard to talk about losing his mom, his sister and his uncle. It’s too hard to tell Venom about how his father had abandoned him and closed him out. Instead he opens his memories to Venom, lets him see the good stuff and the bad, lets him see that yawning cavern inside him, a place so dark that when he falls in it’s nearly impossible to find his way back out.

Venom doesn’t say anything at first. He absorbs Eddie’s heartache, touching each place that hurts. He sees how Anne was the first person Eddie had really connected with, sees the ways she helped Eddie start over and feel okay. She was Eddie’s everything, his rock. Then he had let his success and his fixation at rooting out the truth at any cost distract him. He had fucked up and broken the one good relationship in his life. He had betrayed Anne and hurt her. It was a miracle, really, that she had managed to get past it enough to help him when his life had been turned upside down. It’s impossible that she had let him back into her life, that she supported not only his relationship with Venom, but his feelings for Dan, too. He has more love in his life than he’d had in ages and yet he still hurts.

 **Oh, Eddie**. Venom’s deep voice resonates; Eddie feels it in his chest, just like he feels Venom, warm and strong and _everywhere_ , inside him. **Eddie, I promise I will never leave you.**

Eddie clings to Venom, their bodies pressing snug together beneath the sheets. “You can’t… promise that,” Eddie hiccups. “You can’t.” Just thinking about Venom being taken from him has Eddie crying harder than before.

 **I won’t leave you** Venom says again. He cups the back of Eddie’s head, tilting his face up so that Venom can look him in his tear-filled eyes. **Eddie…**

Something passes between them, a frisson of connection that makes Eddie shiver at how deep their bond goes. Staring into Venom’s milky, hypnotic eyes, Eddie feels like he’s falling. He’s falling but he’s not afraid because he knows Venom will catch him. Okay, he’s a little afraid. The fear doesn’t feel as overwhelming, though.

 **We don’t know what will happen next** Venom says. **But we have _now_ , Eddie. We’re together now and we’re safe. You don’t have to be happy, you can feel sad or lonely, or however you need to feel. But you don’t have to go through it alone anymore.**

“I…” Eddie swallows hard, the truth lighting him up inside. He touches Venom’s face, runs his fingers over his slippery jaw until Venom twitches. “I don’t, do I?”

Venom nuzzles into Eddie’s hand, his tongue slipping out between his teeth and gliding down Eddie’s wrist. Eddie snorts. “That tickles, V.”

 ** _You’re_ the one tickling me** Venom replies, twitching again when Eddie strokes under his chin.

Eddie smiles a little, enjoying the way Venom reacts to his touch. It’s a good distraction from his feelings. He lets what Venom said sink in and relaxes into the comfort of their bond. _He’s not alone_.

Somewhere the tickling and touching becomes kissing. Becomes Eddie pressed flat on his back with Venom on top of him, holding him down. Eddie yields control to Venom and lets himself be loved. He lets go of the negativity, the feelings of loss, abandonment, and self-hatred. It’s not a permanent fix, Eddie knows, but it’s relief. It’s letting Venom help him through a difficult time.

—–

Afterwards they clean up and eat. It’s late afternoon and all the bagels in the world couldn’t help Eddie kick the gnawing hunger inside. At Venom’s prompting he dresses and they head out.

It’s crisp and cool outside, darkness already descending on the city. Though it is nowhere near the cold of New York City, Eddie still hunkers over, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. Christmas carols play from the stores they pass. In the distance Eddie can hear the bells of Saints Peter and Paul. A part of him longs for the familiarity of the service, for the connection to his departed family and abandoned faith.

 **We could go** Venom says **if you want.**

“We’ll be late,” Eddie mutters, already turning in the direction of the church.

**Better late than never. That’s what they say, right?**

“Right.”

The church is an imposing structure, its spires rising high and majestic. Eddie’s never been inside. But it’s Christmas, when lost sheep are wont to find their way home, so he joins the trickle of late comers and climbs the steps, slipping in through the massive wooden doors.

Immediately the warmth and the smell of incense wraps around him. Eddie ducks into the back pew and sits next to a woman who appears to be homeless, or at least fallen on hard times. She reminds Eddie of Maria and he gives her a small smile and a wave before kneeling for the next prayer.

The service feels long to Eddie, maybe because he hasn’t attended Mass in ages, or maybe because Venom is carefully taking it all in. Eddie’s thoughts wander. To his mom, his father. He thinks of Anne and Dan. Thinks a bit _too much_ about Dan, Venom prodding him when his thoughts get decidedly unchurchlike. Of course he thinks about Venom and at Venom, the two of them mentally conversing.

When the parishioners are invited to partake in the Eucharist Eddie declines, sitting with his head bowed. He thinks about praying but isn’t sure how or where to begin. The old prayers he knows by heart but they don’t feel right. So he sits and lets the music wash over him, feeling a sort of benison just from being in the church again. His mom would be proud. Maybe she’s looking down on him, her only son, and nodding in approval. Or maybe she’s appalled that he’s…

 **Eddie** Venom says sternly. **None of that.**

 _Right._ Eddie shakes his head and gets up. The service isn’t over yet but he needs to get out. He fakes a cough and sneaks out, the sound of carols following him. Once he’s outside he takes a deep breath and looks up at the dark sky. _Sorry about that_.

 **Don’t be** Venom reassures him. **Just know that I’m not going to let you beat yourself up over things you have no call to feel guilty about. Like me or Dan.**

“You’re right.” Eddie sets off down the sidewalk, moving quickly. “Of course you’re right. Thanks, Venom.”

 **Anytime.** Venom fills him with warmth and feeds him good memories. They both get caught up in a replay of their coffee date Dan. Eddie flushes, remembering how good Dan is at kissing. He’s smiling widely by the time they pop into Mrs. Chen’s shop.

“Eddie! Mr. Parasite!” Mrs. Chen greets them. “I thought I wouldn’t be seeing you today.”

“Happy Holidays, Mrs. C,” Eddie says warmly. “I thought your nephew was working tonight?”

Mrs. Chen mutters in Mandarin. “He got a date!” she scoffs. “But did he ever think that _I_ might want a date night? _No_.”

 **I could eat him** Venom offers.

Mrs. Chen gapes at them until Eddie laughs it off. “He’s kidding. We only eat bad people, not truant nephews.”

Eddie drops a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates on the counter, as well as a package of frozen chicken potpies. He also slides a small wrapped package towards their favorite shop owner. It’s not much, just a gift certificate to the local theater since Mrs. Chen, it turns out, is a bit of a movie junkie.

“Well,” Mrs. Chen huffs, “maybe you could threaten him just a little, hmm?”

 **Definitely** Venom laughs and, after a brief pause, Mrs. Chen joins him.

“Thanks a lot, Mrs. C,” Eddie says, taking his groceries from her.

Mrs. Chen drops a small red ornament into his bag. “You, too, Eddie. And remember to do your yoga!”

Back at their apartment Eddie pops a potpie in the toaster oven and Venom gets busy unwrapping the chocolates and eating them one after the other. Eddie hangs the ornament – a handcraft of intricate knot work done in red silk strands – from their door. It’s a nice touch in their otherwise festive-free mess.

Once the pie is done Eddie and Venom curl up on the couch and turn on the TV. Christmas movie reruns are on most of the channels and they settle in to watch as many as they can. Eddie makes it through “Elf” and “Love, Actually” but drops off during “Die Hard.” When he wakes up later the TV is off and Venom’s draped over him like a blanket, breathing softly. Eddie smiles sleepily and shifts into a more comfortable position. Outside their apartment drunken carols echo off the buildings, competing with the sounds of traffic. Venom twitches when Eddie gives his chin a kiss.

Thinking sappy, happy thoughts, Eddie relaxes beneath Venom and slips back into sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I did some quick Wikipedia research on Eddie’s family in order to inform this piece. I’m not Catholic but according to Wikipedia Eddie is so if I got things wrong please let me know!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @dkafterdark


End file.
